Does Audience Participation lead to enhanced internalization?
Brains vs conditioning: developmental norms in kids vs cultural differences in adults.
We should establish a questionnaire for selected audience members to fill out, or have a feedback session or discussion group and take many notes.
How about....
--a 30 second film or piece?
---Film has the benefit of being exactly repeatable.
---the flicker may hold attention
---live may be more fun but it is subject to conditions/constraints of space.
Woman Without Piano--emotive music during otherwise stagnant scenes. sound affects perception.
Film vs Live vs Photos
Verbatim Theatre--what is the effect of knowing that a story is true? (does this make things too complicated?)
Proud Gallery/Horseplay: Could we show a short film? With CCTV in the room? Perhaps include a comment book or shouting space to record responses.
Specific communities--most relevant to us.
--small enough to be manageable.
How do we find and organize people?
Perhaps we should talk to street performers:
--do you move around or stay put?
--where do people stop and watch? where do people put money in the hat?
--what is the reaction between an audience who chooses to be there vs an unwitting audience?
--how do we find these communities? How do we get them to see our shows?
Find a point you can always get back to. have a throughline.
remember that big generalizations are bad.
simple specific.
relation to senses--what if audience is blind? deaf? paralyzed?
Birth, Death, Fucking, and Shitting--these are universal.
Kissing vs Hugging in greeting re: multiculturalism.
Kissing in public--Signs of Affection. (signs brings semiology baggage)
people's reactions to kissing based on clothing, movement, facial expressions
Seeing your own experience played back at you
Something that can be Titled?
Kissing in Public--An Observer Study
How do we ensure that we don't over-extend our generalizations derived from research while still drawing useful conclusions from data?
How do we avoid a Western-Dominant stance in our study?
Does audience participation/interaction enhance interpretation/engagement with the performance?
Can we create work, as Westerners, that is truly intercultural?
Can you retain your culture in London, or does London adapt your culture to it?
we live in a white plastic culture--what does this do to identity here? What is Woman in White Plastic Culture?
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Toby Jones Practitioner Visit
notes after performances
--Think about when to start, when to stop looking. How do we indicate?
--as audiences we must assume that Everything is deliberate.
--it's always fascinating what you Tried to do, but it's completely irrelevant to what you Did.
--it was interesting watching you watching a show through the lens of your camera. documenting the first go.
--I saw something of the previous piece in it. what was lost, what was gained?
--Do we like being led around? 'We're ready for you' as a starting point for the audience. We don't like being placed.
--all the pieces shared abstraction, an atmosphere of silence and contemplation. Nothing was fast, sudden, or jerking. All studied proximity in some way. Great care was taken.
--secret codes for practitioners: putting a moment of theatre in a real-life setting.
--many concurrent languages
--humans have been installed, freeze frames--indicates that the first movement will be important.
--a toy car on stage can be a real car. Objects become symbols whether we mean it or not. We try to create meaning for ourselves, but the question is always pervasive--Am I getting it? We try to understand patterns. Is there a pattern, or am I overanalyzing? It all matters to the observer. Each movement affects our relationship with the objects onstage.
--Why did we enjoy watching a clockwork train? (If we knew that, we wouldn't need theatre.)
--That which is open to any interpretation has no value.
--Please, then rupture. Form, shape--then take away. Establish then destroy--what is that feeling, loss of what we understood or identified with?
--Strictly observed ritual behaviour. What does this do to the un-invited audience? Effective atonal silence, tonal silence. Articulating interesting shapes, arranging recognizable moments into new sequences.
Out of Light Comes Sound.
Why are the performers drawn to the light?
If you can make Out into In, you can play with preconception.
--Think about when to start, when to stop looking. How do we indicate?
--as audiences we must assume that Everything is deliberate.
--it's always fascinating what you Tried to do, but it's completely irrelevant to what you Did.
--it was interesting watching you watching a show through the lens of your camera. documenting the first go.
--I saw something of the previous piece in it. what was lost, what was gained?
--Do we like being led around? 'We're ready for you' as a starting point for the audience. We don't like being placed.
--all the pieces shared abstraction, an atmosphere of silence and contemplation. Nothing was fast, sudden, or jerking. All studied proximity in some way. Great care was taken.
--secret codes for practitioners: putting a moment of theatre in a real-life setting.
--many concurrent languages
--humans have been installed, freeze frames--indicates that the first movement will be important.
--a toy car on stage can be a real car. Objects become symbols whether we mean it or not. We try to create meaning for ourselves, but the question is always pervasive--Am I getting it? We try to understand patterns. Is there a pattern, or am I overanalyzing? It all matters to the observer. Each movement affects our relationship with the objects onstage.
--Why did we enjoy watching a clockwork train? (If we knew that, we wouldn't need theatre.)
--That which is open to any interpretation has no value.
--Please, then rupture. Form, shape--then take away. Establish then destroy--what is that feeling, loss of what we understood or identified with?
--Strictly observed ritual behaviour. What does this do to the un-invited audience? Effective atonal silence, tonal silence. Articulating interesting shapes, arranging recognizable moments into new sequences.
Out of Light Comes Sound.
Why are the performers drawn to the light?
If you can make Out into In, you can play with preconception.
Matt Adams Cultural Landscapes Visit
Blast Theory (since 1991)
-new interactive art, game play, digital media
-started as a group of varied people who all worked in a cinema
--the moment you graduate is a moment of truth. the first 12 months in which you attempt to transition into professional practice is rough.
-put first shows into club/rave culture, as at the time it was at its pre-corporate peak. It was a good setting for new work.
Studied loss of control by offering audiences the chance to be kidnapped. People hand over control in most aspects of life to politicians, religion, schools--how do you handle having everything in your life controlled by someone else?
study permeable boundaries between real and virtual space.
studied soldiers who do most of their killing on computer screens and never have to really deal with the actual killing of a person.
studied divide between media coverage of individual killed US soldiers in Iraq versus the hundreds of thousands of nameless, faceless Iraqi civilians.
"Can you See me Now?" first mixed reality game. online/live tag.
"You Get Me?" creating a dialogue between artists and audiences is vital for participatory work.
charity status gets you donations. interns are free labor.
practice needs to be central to your focus or you'll get used to your paycheck. it is hard to take a pay cut on purpose.
funding may come in the shape of "we got a grant and we'll buy things with it that you can use." don't sneer. partner with groups already in receipt of funding. Industrial funding bodies, univerities, and scientific research bodies are valuable--but they will constrain creative input.
now that we have the internet we don't need tv stations to be the gatekeepers of broadcast.
some ventures may not lead to products but taking a year to learn and develop is valuable.
--see if there is a community out there that will support you that isn't just the arts. like Gamers.
--some development bodies have realized that if you let the artists you want to attract lead development, you will have the art you want in your technology.
Integrated Project on Pervasive Gaming--games as Culture, not just platforms, but pervasive forms: things which influence society and technology by Being Themselves.
Reaching an audience that doesn't go to the theatre is hard. Sometimes you have to make yourself unrecognizable as theatre--be seductive and engaging without being trashy.
Social networking sites are not just for marketing--they can help you figure out who your audience could be.
People like marketing to 14 year old boys. Why is this demographic so important?
The Anti-Climactic Experience: do people feel disappointed or frustrated because there's no 'boss level', which they have come to expect, in organized/led activity? Do we simply expect a narrative, or at least linear flow, because that's how most literature is arranged, or is this something innate? Even people who don't do theatre play video games and watch movies. We expect a boss level as a final challenge. That means we've won. That's the problem with endurance pieces. That's why many people find social networking "gaming" dissatisfying and even boring. Small Worlds, as a platform, is interesting enough, but it doesn't lead anywhere. Grand Theft Auto, without the scripted games, is just a grid of intangible space. We need an objective or it just feels like daily life minus touch, taste, or smell. Mere interaction with a platform is stagnation. Experience for experience's sake feels, if not empty, incomplete. Audiences need to win or lose in order to feel as though they've spent their time wisely. The maze is only over when you figure out the way out--and if someone helps you, you lose.
I think some open-platform games should have a self-destruct function. After you've won everything there is to win, they explode. When it's over, make it Over. Take it away conclusively, but only after it has achieved its objective and provided satisfaction.
Is Rider Spoke Cathartic or Experiential? Should audiences be trusted to make their own experiences? Is that why they're there? Are they audiences anymore?
Researchers don't get out much. Express interest in them, be honest and specific--even if you don't know what you're doing. They're the expert.
Remember that politically charged groups have agendas that probably don't align with yours.
-new interactive art, game play, digital media
-started as a group of varied people who all worked in a cinema
--the moment you graduate is a moment of truth. the first 12 months in which you attempt to transition into professional practice is rough.
-put first shows into club/rave culture, as at the time it was at its pre-corporate peak. It was a good setting for new work.
Studied loss of control by offering audiences the chance to be kidnapped. People hand over control in most aspects of life to politicians, religion, schools--how do you handle having everything in your life controlled by someone else?
study permeable boundaries between real and virtual space.
studied soldiers who do most of their killing on computer screens and never have to really deal with the actual killing of a person.
studied divide between media coverage of individual killed US soldiers in Iraq versus the hundreds of thousands of nameless, faceless Iraqi civilians.
"Can you See me Now?" first mixed reality game. online/live tag.
"You Get Me?" creating a dialogue between artists and audiences is vital for participatory work.
charity status gets you donations. interns are free labor.
practice needs to be central to your focus or you'll get used to your paycheck. it is hard to take a pay cut on purpose.
funding may come in the shape of "we got a grant and we'll buy things with it that you can use." don't sneer. partner with groups already in receipt of funding. Industrial funding bodies, univerities, and scientific research bodies are valuable--but they will constrain creative input.
now that we have the internet we don't need tv stations to be the gatekeepers of broadcast.
some ventures may not lead to products but taking a year to learn and develop is valuable.
--see if there is a community out there that will support you that isn't just the arts. like Gamers.
--some development bodies have realized that if you let the artists you want to attract lead development, you will have the art you want in your technology.
Integrated Project on Pervasive Gaming--games as Culture, not just platforms, but pervasive forms: things which influence society and technology by Being Themselves.
Reaching an audience that doesn't go to the theatre is hard. Sometimes you have to make yourself unrecognizable as theatre--be seductive and engaging without being trashy.
Social networking sites are not just for marketing--they can help you figure out who your audience could be.
People like marketing to 14 year old boys. Why is this demographic so important?
The Anti-Climactic Experience: do people feel disappointed or frustrated because there's no 'boss level', which they have come to expect, in organized/led activity? Do we simply expect a narrative, or at least linear flow, because that's how most literature is arranged, or is this something innate? Even people who don't do theatre play video games and watch movies. We expect a boss level as a final challenge. That means we've won. That's the problem with endurance pieces. That's why many people find social networking "gaming" dissatisfying and even boring. Small Worlds, as a platform, is interesting enough, but it doesn't lead anywhere. Grand Theft Auto, without the scripted games, is just a grid of intangible space. We need an objective or it just feels like daily life minus touch, taste, or smell. Mere interaction with a platform is stagnation. Experience for experience's sake feels, if not empty, incomplete. Audiences need to win or lose in order to feel as though they've spent their time wisely. The maze is only over when you figure out the way out--and if someone helps you, you lose.
I think some open-platform games should have a self-destruct function. After you've won everything there is to win, they explode. When it's over, make it Over. Take it away conclusively, but only after it has achieved its objective and provided satisfaction.
Is Rider Spoke Cathartic or Experiential? Should audiences be trusted to make their own experiences? Is that why they're there? Are they audiences anymore?
Researchers don't get out much. Express interest in them, be honest and specific--even if you don't know what you're doing. They're the expert.
Remember that politically charged groups have agendas that probably don't align with yours.
Reading List, performance research
Jacques Derrida
Hans Lehmann--Post-Dramatic Theatre
Patrice Pavis--Multiculturalism in theatre
Walk Like a Man--Gender study done by movement group
US tv programme "Lie to Me"
Laban--relationship of universality to movement/theatre/multiculturalism
(Universality of movement--big moments of life/constants of life: birth, death, eating, fucking, shitting)
11 February, National Portrait Gallery: Study of Gesture in painting
Helene Cixous--binary study
disrupt the absolute
Mark Evans--intercultural dance
Hans Lehmann--Post-Dramatic Theatre
Patrice Pavis--Multiculturalism in theatre
Walk Like a Man--Gender study done by movement group
US tv programme "Lie to Me"
Laban--relationship of universality to movement/theatre/multiculturalism
(Universality of movement--big moments of life/constants of life: birth, death, eating, fucking, shitting)
11 February, National Portrait Gallery: Study of Gesture in painting
Helene Cixous--binary study
disrupt the absolute
Mark Evans--intercultural dance
Monday, January 25, 2010
Research Project Meeting 3: notes
pieces to look into re: variable interpretation
Standway Dance: IRA bombings. Incredibly offensive, groundbreaking.
Seven Jewish Children: Caryl Churchill.
Stockwell: Controversial, poorly researched dtramatization of the post 7/7 shooting of a Brazilian man on the tube by police.
Audiences:
non-theatre audience (no-clue-ers)--teenagers from East London? no familiarity with experimental theatre.
club crowd at Proud gallery?
smart kids from rough neighborhoods
-tight communities: people who'd rather be poor than work for a stranger, or for a regular paycheck for someone else's goals
What kind of show do we want to put on? Something enjoyable for both kids and adults?
Ignorant audiences, of theatre, rarely express opinions, even if they have them, whereas everyone has an opinion about film even if they don't know what went into it. Because people are used to the medium of film. Theatre audiences are more inclined to assume they just didn't get it. (?)
Clowning: effect without content. Your audience should not be trying to intellectualize your actions or intent.
Moments of Universality:
Are they useful? Do we Want moments Everyone can relate to? Is that too Hollywood?
Concept of Universality--the assumption that on some level you can please everyone. Is this imperial? Ethics of the sweeping generalization.
Why do you respond the way you do?
Visual/Physical/Sound: not text.
universal language (aside from for the blind) is movement.
What are the possibilities and problematics of universality in theatre?
Standway Dance: IRA bombings. Incredibly offensive, groundbreaking.
Seven Jewish Children: Caryl Churchill.
Stockwell: Controversial, poorly researched dtramatization of the post 7/7 shooting of a Brazilian man on the tube by police.
Audiences:
non-theatre audience (no-clue-ers)--teenagers from East London? no familiarity with experimental theatre.
club crowd at Proud gallery?
smart kids from rough neighborhoods
-tight communities: people who'd rather be poor than work for a stranger, or for a regular paycheck for someone else's goals
What kind of show do we want to put on? Something enjoyable for both kids and adults?
Ignorant audiences, of theatre, rarely express opinions, even if they have them, whereas everyone has an opinion about film even if they don't know what went into it. Because people are used to the medium of film. Theatre audiences are more inclined to assume they just didn't get it. (?)
Clowning: effect without content. Your audience should not be trying to intellectualize your actions or intent.
Moments of Universality:
Are they useful? Do we Want moments Everyone can relate to? Is that too Hollywood?
Concept of Universality--the assumption that on some level you can please everyone. Is this imperial? Ethics of the sweeping generalization.
Why do you respond the way you do?
Visual/Physical/Sound: not text.
universal language (aside from for the blind) is movement.
What are the possibilities and problematics of universality in theatre?
Practitioner Workshop: Duncan and Claire
Noticing
(Dang, the game has changed--more and more groups are studying audiences than in the past few weeks/months. We are all acknowleding the role of the audience in understanding. The show is the impact of the piece on the audience in the context of their minds and sets of experiences. The show is in the interpretation.)
The Attempt to identify problems to the general public (alienation through raising awareness)--How does this impact people who just don't want to engage?
Claire: was on the course 9 years ago. Found it an opportunity to disprove her own theories.
6 core emotions of neurology that are recognizable across all cultures: happiness, sadness, anger, disgust, surprise, and fear.
10 things I noticed today, in 1 minute:
-new black paint on the wall outside
-fog in Swiss Cottage, but not Lewisham
-neither ATM in the tube was working
-Shannon has a similar travel history to me
(that was a minute?)
Abstraction complicates things: truth is the most relevant.
10 things I care about:
feminine equality
safety/liberty
warmth/comfort
cleanliness
freedom from vermin
personal space
good food
friends
Ben
family
odd order: edit in hindsight, not in the process--find the sudden, uncensored self
10 things I'm rebelling against:
America
Mindless entertainment
tendency to sleep all day
tendency to rant
corporatism
HFCS
chinese manufacturing takeover
travel infringement re: safety
paranoia culture
institutionalized hatred
Theatre is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an unmoveable object.
The power of pulling unpleasant information out of an audience: asking for secrets. What gives you the right to ask? Why are people complicit?
Moreover, why am I complicit?
In today's study we have been the "them" in the theatre, the recipients of the experience. The Audience. Weird.
(Dang, the game has changed--more and more groups are studying audiences than in the past few weeks/months. We are all acknowleding the role of the audience in understanding. The show is the impact of the piece on the audience in the context of their minds and sets of experiences. The show is in the interpretation.)
The Attempt to identify problems to the general public (alienation through raising awareness)--How does this impact people who just don't want to engage?
Claire: was on the course 9 years ago. Found it an opportunity to disprove her own theories.
6 core emotions of neurology that are recognizable across all cultures: happiness, sadness, anger, disgust, surprise, and fear.
10 things I noticed today, in 1 minute:
-new black paint on the wall outside
-fog in Swiss Cottage, but not Lewisham
-neither ATM in the tube was working
-Shannon has a similar travel history to me
(that was a minute?)
Abstraction complicates things: truth is the most relevant.
10 things I care about:
feminine equality
safety/liberty
warmth/comfort
cleanliness
freedom from vermin
personal space
good food
friends
Ben
family
odd order: edit in hindsight, not in the process--find the sudden, uncensored self
10 things I'm rebelling against:
America
Mindless entertainment
tendency to sleep all day
tendency to rant
corporatism
HFCS
chinese manufacturing takeover
travel infringement re: safety
paranoia culture
institutionalized hatred
Theatre is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an unmoveable object.
The power of pulling unpleasant information out of an audience: asking for secrets. What gives you the right to ask? Why are people complicit?
Moreover, why am I complicit?
In today's study we have been the "them" in the theatre, the recipients of the experience. The Audience. Weird.
Research Project Meeting: 16 January 2010
How do we pull one reaction from different communities?
Create a universal language/effect which can impact everyone the same way?
Different audience reactions to the same stimulus?
Acknowledged: there is no universal effect, no universal reaction.
2 Girls 1 Cup: Same Idea of varying reactions to same stimulus.
People's reaction to the naked human form?
Willing vs unwilling audiences--changes intensity of reaction, direction of reaction
Aesop's Fables: ubiquitous? Actual universal themes? (Tyrants will always justify their tyranny, honesty triumphs over corruption..)
Before Study/After study: If we study reactions, can we find universals (within the communities studied?)
Sudden and reflexive reactions--valid or useful for study? Not really.
Most Dangerous: US tv programme real events when people die or get badly injured.
Effect that encourages Engagement, rather than Escape--encourage participation rather than revulsion or a simple reflexive flight reaction.
-Important to study what we see on faces in conjunction with what they say they feel.
Create a universal language/effect which can impact everyone the same way?
Different audience reactions to the same stimulus?
Acknowledged: there is no universal effect, no universal reaction.
2 Girls 1 Cup: Same Idea of varying reactions to same stimulus.
People's reaction to the naked human form?
Willing vs unwilling audiences--changes intensity of reaction, direction of reaction
Aesop's Fables: ubiquitous? Actual universal themes? (Tyrants will always justify their tyranny, honesty triumphs over corruption..)
Before Study/After study: If we study reactions, can we find universals (within the communities studied?)
Sudden and reflexive reactions--valid or useful for study? Not really.
Most Dangerous: US tv programme real events when people die or get badly injured.
Effect that encourages Engagement, rather than Escape--encourage participation rather than revulsion or a simple reflexive flight reaction.
-Important to study what we see on faces in conjunction with what they say they feel.
Research Project: Meeting 1 15/01/2010
-Audience Reaction Based on Background- meeting notes. Uncollated.
Classical Theatre input?
Do audiences need particular educations or background to "get" classical theatre? It used to be "for the people"...
Baz Luhrman: Bringing people into Shakespeare, or bringing people into flashy movies with a classical twist?
Shakespeare is constantly developing--are we adapting it to relate to people, or trying to adapt people to relate to it?
In-Yer-Face performance: if you're surrounded by the show, you can't avoid being involved. you can't check out mentally--you're trapped.
Punch Drunk: very involved. people touch you. you are part of the show.
Average theatre goer vs practitioner vs non-theatre goer. different for all.
There should always be something in the show that keeps your attention.
We must ensure that all of what people see is relevant to the intended experience.
Clapping because you think you should, not because you actually appreciated the show: Re: Forest Fringe donation scheme shows appreciation far more than applause alone.
Creating stuff: what is the discrepancy between focusing on the process vs the product? Process without product frequently feels disappointing, unfulfilling.
Adrian: Street clowns in Mexico: Theatre of Not Being Noticed
The Ethics of stepping into people's lives
In applied theatre, baseline probable reaction goes out the window. There is no common ground among the mentally disturbed, the poor, the theatrically disinclined.
Project Trimming: What are our separate strengths/focal areas?
--working with disadvantaged groups
--immersive theatre experiences
--classical theatre (Shakespeare for everyone!)
More primitive experiences--ritual dance--more universally recognizable?
Seek patterns of interest within a practical framework
Transformational Theatre: materiality transforms performer and audience at the same time
The Transformative Power of Performance
Blast Theory: Games as theatre? Do we even call it theatre anymore?
Sally Mackey--the Caer Lian Trilogy
-Site specific, how do you go back to your project after you've had a year to grow and change?
-reception based on culture--if you know snakes, would you jump on stage to save Maria Avonovitch? Do you analyze with more depth? Does that inhibit self-expression?
-If you have to plant a tree of study, where do you dig the hole in relation to everyone's starting point?-
-Study of one specific reaction to one specific stimulus in a variety of communities-
-Filming the audience opens a brand new can of worms--how do they behave if they know they're being watched?
-Difference between Reaction and Perception. Ensure you focus on one and avoid language which could imply crossover.
Identify "key concepts" which the subject typically suggests and establish straightaway whether or not you'll be addressing them in this instance.
Make other people hear your idea before you choose to study it.
Classical Theatre input?
Do audiences need particular educations or background to "get" classical theatre? It used to be "for the people"...
Baz Luhrman: Bringing people into Shakespeare, or bringing people into flashy movies with a classical twist?
Shakespeare is constantly developing--are we adapting it to relate to people, or trying to adapt people to relate to it?
In-Yer-Face performance: if you're surrounded by the show, you can't avoid being involved. you can't check out mentally--you're trapped.
Punch Drunk: very involved. people touch you. you are part of the show.
Average theatre goer vs practitioner vs non-theatre goer. different for all.
There should always be something in the show that keeps your attention.
We must ensure that all of what people see is relevant to the intended experience.
Clapping because you think you should, not because you actually appreciated the show: Re: Forest Fringe donation scheme shows appreciation far more than applause alone.
Creating stuff: what is the discrepancy between focusing on the process vs the product? Process without product frequently feels disappointing, unfulfilling.
Adrian: Street clowns in Mexico: Theatre of Not Being Noticed
The Ethics of stepping into people's lives
In applied theatre, baseline probable reaction goes out the window. There is no common ground among the mentally disturbed, the poor, the theatrically disinclined.
Project Trimming: What are our separate strengths/focal areas?
--working with disadvantaged groups
--immersive theatre experiences
--classical theatre (Shakespeare for everyone!)
More primitive experiences--ritual dance--more universally recognizable?
Seek patterns of interest within a practical framework
Transformational Theatre: materiality transforms performer and audience at the same time
The Transformative Power of Performance
Blast Theory: Games as theatre? Do we even call it theatre anymore?
Sally Mackey--the Caer Lian Trilogy
-Site specific, how do you go back to your project after you've had a year to grow and change?
-reception based on culture--if you know snakes, would you jump on stage to save Maria Avonovitch? Do you analyze with more depth? Does that inhibit self-expression?
-If you have to plant a tree of study, where do you dig the hole in relation to everyone's starting point?-
-Study of one specific reaction to one specific stimulus in a variety of communities-
-Filming the audience opens a brand new can of worms--how do they behave if they know they're being watched?
-Difference between Reaction and Perception. Ensure you focus on one and avoid language which could imply crossover.
Identify "key concepts" which the subject typically suggests and establish straightaway whether or not you'll be addressing them in this instance.
Make other people hear your idea before you choose to study it.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
ailin'
You ever notice that when you're sick--even slightly--all you can think of is your ailment? If I stop and think about it, yes my nose is blocked and sore and my eyes and throat are scratchy, and I've got some pressure in my ears and head, but I'm really not doing so badly. I'm not in unbearable pain, I'm not broken, and I'm not spewing surprising fluids left and right. I'm not even nauseated--though the world does get a bit wobbly when I stand up on account of the aforementioned ear pressure. That said, I can hardly go two minutes without some sort of "oh woe is me, life is so hard" related thought squeezing into my clogged brain. I think this is probably somehow linked to my unconscious brain's current work to clear this mild head cold out--the worker-brain's impulses to send white blood cells and reroute stored energy to the sinus battlefield are leaking into the area of thought that the brain I call I can hear. I'm interpreting the "send men and munitions!" call to mean "oh god, we're all gonna die." My conscious brain is my own in-head Yossarian.
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